19 Comments
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Theo's avatar

Really touching words. 🙏

I don't know about you Dru, but I find my ability to recall events is connected to how dislocated or anxious I feel at each phase of life. When I was a student, my memory was hopeless (my girlfriend at the time kindly said she enjoyed getting to tell me her stories twice, but it was terrible really) and the months tended to mush together. A couple of years after, when I was immersed in a job that gave me a sense of purpose, my memory sharpened up considerably, and time became more granular. It's ebbed and flowed a few times since then.

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Dru Jaeger's avatar

I can completely relate to this. My emotional memory is largely intact, even if I can't relate my feelings to vivid recollections. So anxiety in the present highlights moments in my past when I was anxious, and likewise with all my other present day moods, as the soundtrack of my life is continually remixed and remastered. I remember that what I feel now won't last forever, and I try and make sense of all the versions of myself that have existed through time.

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Theo's avatar

Hugely interesting. Thanks for sharing.

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Bel Jackson Prow's avatar

Thank you for sharing, I love to hear other people’s stories, motivation and lessons. I guess that is how we all learn.

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Dru Jaeger's avatar

Absolutely! I find people endlessly fascinating, and learning from others makes life easier, for sure.

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Amy Cowen's avatar

I have this same kind of lifelong memory issue, although I've never heard the SDAM label before. My writing is always, in part, to capture what otherwise will vanish behind me. I enjoyed reading of this decade-by-decade look at the walking that continues to be your anchor.

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Dru Jaeger's avatar

SDAM is a term that was coined by researchers only ten years ago. Before I read about it, I thought everyone else told themselves stories about the past, and I was genuinely surprised when I learned that people could vividly re-experience events in their minds. I think there's so much more to discover about the incredible variety of ways we see the world.

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Amy Cowen's avatar

Yeah, I always am amazed by what people claim to remember (and jealous of those with very clear, granular memories). It took me a long time (many years) to realize I didn’t just have a blank of certain years…. but a pervasive blank that has grown with me. Thanks for your reply.

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April Isaacs's avatar

I am so touched by your story of being on the path. The through line of walking reminds me of the famous Machado poem “Traveler there is no road, only a ship’s wake on the sea.”

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Dru Jaeger's avatar

Thank you, April. I love that Machado poem. Se hace camino al andar is a phrase I carry with me.

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Sarah Pickering's avatar

I think I experienced the full range of emotions as I read this post, and emotions are not my strongest gift. Thank you for sharing your story, it helps me know you better. I couldn't love you more!

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Dru Jaeger's avatar

Thank you, Sarah. Sorry for the emotional rollercoaster. A cup of tea will help!

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Sarah Pickering's avatar

on it!

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Nancy Friedland's avatar

Beautifully written and felt. I look forward to hearing more.

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Dru Jaeger's avatar

Thanks, Nancy.

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Pete Kalu's avatar

What a great intro! Funny how we take these feet for granted. Congratulations to your feet on 50 years of touching down

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Dru Jaeger's avatar

Thanks, Pete!

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Eva M's avatar

Reading your path through life moved me, thank you for sharing it!🙏🏼✨

I woke up this morning with a different song going through my brain, stuck in a loop for hours on end, until I have to listen to a podcast to finally get some rest. It only happens when I’m overdoing myself. Reading now you can’t even hear music makes me want to treasure it more maybe. It’s so odd how our brains and nervous systems can work differently, or attempt to help us navigate difficult moments and memories! ❤️‍🩹

Going from full atheist to missing the mystical experiences, this path I definitely have walked too! ✨

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Dru Jaeger's avatar

I'll have to tell you some time about the annoyance of silent ear worms, knowing I'm thinking about a song and still not being able to shift it from my brain! Minds are endlessly fascinating things, and it was such a revelation to discover how different mine was to other people's. But our variety is what makes humanity to wonderful, I think.

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