Beginning again

On finding a new path.

It can be difficult to identify exactly where one path ends and another begins.

Sometimes, our path through life changes in a moment: a job starts, an illness is diagnosed, keys are handed over for a new home. Yet seemingly instantaneous change always takes time. The world around us alters its shape long before we recognise its influence. The consequences of our decisions and reactions have to be worked out in practice. And the physical and emotional toll of transformation can linger for months, even years.

Yet we come to a point when, at last, everything is different. We have travelled many miles before we recognise we are walking a new path.

Life paths

Life is not like walking.

Or at least, life is not like the walking most of us do most of the time.

Whether we're following a waymarked trail, discerning the route of a footpath across a muddy field or shuffling along a crowded pavement, we are rarely the first person to walk a path.

We often use the metaphor of life as a path, but our individual journeys rarely follow predetermined routes. In fact, it's often the growing frustration of following unthinkingly in another’s footsteps, taking a path that was not of our choosing, that prompts so many of us to strike out and make our own way in the world.

We get ourselves out of the rut and make a trail. Yet in practice, finding our way without a map is hard.

Years ago, I remember experimenting with map-free walking in Galicia. Setting out from A Coruña, I decided to follow the coast to the fishing village of Malpica, at the start of the Camiño dos Faros. It should have been simple enough; I just needed to keep the sea on my right shoulder. But I hadn't foreseen harbour developments, bridgeless estuaries and impenetrable undergrowth. On one frustrating day, I spent hours circling a village on a windswept promontory until I realised my only route forward was to retrace my steps inland along a road I had already travelled.

And then I lost the sea entirely. I'm not sure how it happened, but I was miles from the coast. Stuck on the wrong side of trackless hills, and with no other options, I followed the edge of a busy highway. I winced with fear, unsteadied by gusting air as trucks barreled past me at high speed.

At that moment, I longed for a reliable map.

The winding trail

I've yet to meet an adult who is following the life path they dreamed of as a child, and who has done so without putting a foot wrong. Even the most predictable and privileged journeys are occasionally rerouted by diversions and roadblocks.

Life is a hard road for many of us. And the paths we take are often torturously winding, marked by false starts, blind alleys, wrong turns and dead ends. If we find ourselves on an uninterrupted easy stretch, it feels like an all-too-temporary blessing.

Yet, we keep going, full of hope that the next turn will lead us to a better place. Sometimes, when time blurs the distant horizon, we can stop and look back, grateful for every misstep and stumble that somehow led us to firmer ground.

And often, we realise the path we find ourselves on is the result of a choice we made at a crossroads we barely remember. Somewhere, far beyond the hills and valleys of our memories, a single purposeful step changed everything.

On a new path

Finding a reliable path in life is difficult, especially as we get older. We carefully balance all the commitments we have accumulated over decades and then, just at the point when our hands are full, the universe brings more responsibilities to our door.

We reach unavoidable junctions. We are forced to choose.

When I was younger, I imagined a time might come when the way ahead would be wide and smooth. Instead, the last two years have been a reckoning, making sense of who I am now as I gather all that I have learned on all the paths I have followed.

There have been times when I felt profoundly lost. There have been moments of enchanting beauty and expansive freedom.

But slowly, surely, I have found myself in a new place. Change continues to come thick and fast, but if the last two years have taught me anything, it's that I can find my way. Sometimes, it can be hard to know which direction to choose. Sometimes, I've learned, it's more important to rest than to press on. But if I bend close to the earth, listen closely to my heart and trust in the starry sky that stretches into the infinity of all that is, I can discover a new path.

Beginning again

Just over a year ago, I began writing Pilgrimagic to encourage you to take your next step, wherever it might lead you. I am profoundly grateful for your company on the journey, and for your patience over the last month as I paused on my path.

I'm glad I stopped. Taking a break from weekly writing allowed me to reassess how I approach writing and what I hope Pilgrimagic might become. A few things have struck me.

As life gets busier, I want to safeguard my own time to wander. Pilgrimagic was born from my own experiences of walking, wonder and wellbeing, and if I’m not making time to be with the living world around me, I’ll run on empty. So over the coming months, I’m going to experiment with some different formats for articles, including themed link collections and photo essays. Ultimately, that decision is about giving myself space, so I can immerse myself in nature and invest more time in simply being.

I've also realised that I needed to reconsider how I engage with my paying subscribers. I’m hugely grateful for their support, but my style of writing personal updates had begun to feel like a monthly letter of accountability and failure. Essentially, everything I wrote about became a stick to beat myself with. So instead, I want to focus on creating real value for people who are kind enough to support me financially. A new series is brewing, and I'll say more about it soon.

It’s been lovely over the past month to hang out with my partner and my dog, and not squirrel myself away for hours on end to write. Mera is so adorable, even if she leaves hair everywhere she goes. Watching her grow in confidence as she walks is an unparalleled joy. We have more adventures ahead, which I hope to share.

Thank you, as always, for reading. Now, it's over to you. Tell me, how have you begun again? What single step changed the course of your path through life? How are you finding your way?